Would you date a girl who first told you she lives by herself and after other dates she seems to be a mother?

Would you date a single mother? And how should she behave on the first date: tell all the worse that happen in her life or just to have some fun? I feel bad now because on my first date I said the guy that I live on my own. I have enough memories of guys reactions when they were told that I have two kids on my first dates. It turned me away... meaning that I was loosing a hope of finding with a man, not only to be with, but to build a relationship with. So, In my last situation I wanted to have a special date w/o any pressure and when he asked: do you live by yourself, I said yes, meaning for myself : I am living by myself with my two children... When he was observing my car, he might see a car sit, but he didn't say anything. Today he saw a sit again and kissed as usual, but was little nervous. This image is familiar to me. Should I stop looking for a man and better concentrate on my children, or there are any hope for me to get some luck with guys? I don't want to lie.

Would you date a girl who first told you she lives by herself and after other dates she seems to be a mother?
I am married and I married a woman with children. It sounds like you are dating the wrong guys. I think you should be honest, if you want a relationship. If you want to go out a little and have fun, it doesn't matter.





Many guys do not want the added work that goes with raising some other guy's children. It is a lot of extra work too. It makes for a complicated life.





On the other hand, many guys simply do not care whether or not there are children involved.





Finally, you may want to consider what life would be like without a man in it. I am not trying to be negative, but it sounds like you do not know how to be happy just with yourself. A need for someone is a legitimate need, but you also may not find it. It isn't the children that are necessarily causing it, it is just very difficult to find someone that makes sense to marry.





The better question to ask married women with children is how did they find their husband. I do not know the answer to that as I am on the wrong side of the fence.





Be honest and look at how you are picking up the guys or why they are picking you up.
Reply:yes i would date her,unless i knew her for a year before i found out about the kids, i would expect to hear it on the second date or so.





i would not lie about the kids, but i wouldnt put it out in front either.





if he asks, you have to tell him.





we ask about if you live alone because we want to know how easy it will be for us to get sex. if you dont live alone, we have to get a motel or something. and its a lot harder to get a girl into a motel then it is into her own place.





yes, a lot of guys will bail when they see the kids, but they are losers anyway.
Reply:I do understand you reasoning for not wanting to make the annoucement of your young family just yet to a total stranger. However, you should never deny your children either to anyone. There are guys out there how would date you, inspite of the fact that you have kids, maybe with the intention of not getting serious. But once you show them how wonderful you are, then they may not see your family as a complication of the relationship. ****I would not go telling your first dates about other relationships, about anything scandelous you did in the past, nothing like that*** That is a big turn off. The guy would probably wonder what he was getting himself into, and run the other way as quick as possible.





Hope this helps.
Reply:Don't lie but unless it is brought up or asked, you don't have to reveal the fact that you have kids on a first or even second date. That can be something to reveal when it may be looking promising of having a future with the guy you're dating. Many guys don't want to date single moms but some are open to it if they get to know the mom as a person and proceed slowly.





By all means, try to have fun. Even if you didn't have kids, if you have a gloom and doom conversation first date, it is very unlikely that you will ever have a second date with that person.
Reply:Truth is always easier to maintain then a lie. On a first date, the idea is to just have a good time, some fun. There is no permanent relationship implied. Asking about your living situation could be genuine interest or just small talk. Treat it like any other conversation. If the man likes you for you, he will not be put off by your single mom status. At any rate, it is better to get it out, minus gory details like who the father is and why your not with him, on the first date, then get involved and have it come between you.
Reply:Yes I would it doesnt really matter if the a girl got kids It matters if u like each other on the inside
Reply:yes if she wants to have a relationship
Reply:be upfront. when they ask - tell them you are a single mom, but there is no other man in your life. better to have them know up front. many guys won't mind the kids - it just takes time...
Reply:I used to be turned off by the idea of dating a single mother, but that changed when I hit my mid 30's.





I think younger men aren't up to the task mentally or financially.
Reply:As one mother to another...protect the fact you have kids at all costs. In conversation with him, find out how he feels about kids...then gradually tell him the truth.





DO NOT sleep with him.





And do not introduce him to your kids until you are absolutely sure he is the right guy for you.





If he is any kind of a real man, he will accept the "not the whole truth" once it is revealed. Any real man would respect you for protecting your kids.
Reply:you need to be up front about yourself with others. lying on the first date, or even beforehand about your kids doesn't work.





most people i know don't have a problem dating someone with kids. and some men have kids of their own as well.





you dont' have to divulge personal information about yourself, but letting a person know "yes i have kids!" is quite alright. this gives them a choice whether to accept or reject your lifestyle.





don't be so desparate to build a relationship that you lie about your kids. right now they are the MOST IMPORTANT thing in your life anyway.... and that's how it needs to be.





take care.
Reply:honesty will get you somewhere. if a man is really interested in you, he will take and accept you as you are. be honest in your relationship. good luck!
Reply:From one single mom to another I can see where your coming from :( and I was always open about the fact that I had children never hid that from any of them but I also never let my children meet them... I would have them gone if he was to pick me up at my house or i would meet him... Getting to know you should be his first step if it goes well after a mounth or so then you can introduce your kids to him... but starting it off with a LIE... as you seem to think you have done will not get you the right man anyway... ya know what i mean? It takes a special man to Love you and your little ones or big ones witch ever the case :p I would keep the kids out of any relationship to begin with when he is ready to meet them you will know... I had one guy after a mounth of dating invite me and both my boys to a cook out at his parents :s i thought oh wow thats kinda crazy him meeting them for the first time and also introducing us all to his parents... i had secound thoughts about it but it was a great get together and all his siblings with there little ones where there so i found out that he was really a good kid man. So just relax he will fall in your lap :p ... Good luck hun and focus more on YOU and your babes...
Reply:Never be ashamed of being a mother. If a guy doesn't like it, screw them. Find a man that appreciates the finer things in life - a good woman.
Reply:The object of a first date is to get to know eachother.....basic details of eachother's daily life to be filled out later if there is mutual attraction. Mentioning that you have children is a massively important detail....obviously they are a major part of your life and whomever you end up dating would need to eventually interact with them.


If the guy does not feel comfortable with a woman that has children then you are wasting both your time and his time. Not to mention the emotional energy that you are expending. You should tell him about your children. If he stays then that is great....if not....well come on, lets be honest.....he would have left eventually. If things don't work out, don't go hunting for another man. Enjoy your life and enjoy your children. The right guy will come along when you aren't expecting it and you will not have to lie about anything.
Reply:I think your kids should always come before a man, and if you children disapprove of him then don't force him on them.





My mom did that crap to me my whole life, and we never got a long because of "him"
Reply:WOW LOL DON'T worrier the knight in shinning armor is coming to u soon
Reply:Just be honest with him, if hes worth being with for anything other than a one night thing he is going to find out anyway wouldn't you want him to know up front? Plus the right man for your situation is going to need to realize that your kids are important to you and that they are going to be part of your life whether he is or not. Dont give up, some guys may be freaked out by kids, but it kind of reflects his maturity level as well as how much he really likes you.
Reply:men have to know that when dating a woman with children, its a package deal...you cant accept the woman and not the children, cause that wont work. you'll find a man who will love you and your children..dont worry bout it. just dont rush into relationships...maybe you will find a single father at the park with his children or something, then you come along with your children, and you two could talk....anything is possible...good luck, girl
Reply:I would date a single mom because for 1 I have wanted kids so if u are a single mom let me know cause I am single and looking final_fantasy_vii_gamer@yahoo.com
Reply:Let the guy know, yet ALSO, let them know you are NOT looking for a guy just to be daddy for the kids,





I mean, generally, guys have difficulty understanding things with females if it is not obvious and out in the open...





They see this gal, theyre interested and she is also, but then she has kids... the guy will get suspicious, like she is looking for another daddy, she has eyes on me to support her and someone elses kids... that sort of thinking, like as if youre looking to do some mooching...





I am not saying that you are doing that at all but sharing what I have experienced...








When you bring up the facts that you have children, let the guy know that you re not looking for someone to be a papa to take care of you and the kids, what kryptonite is to superman, is similar to the possibility of a better relationship...





Let them know you are interested in them as a person, not as someone that has a wallet.... You know how guys are about child support, the fears of being raked over the coals? heard any horror stories from any guys? Well this is a similar thing to guys to experience... like a woman forcing kids on them and stuff... and they may not be ready...








Let them know you do not expect nor need them in that way, but just a relationship... You got children and theyre yours only, and not wanting to put them on him as well.... nor are you looking for him to be the next 'daddy'...





With the right guy, that will come in time... but for us guys sake, be straight forward and make it obvious, otherwise we just don't get it sometimes...
Reply:been in ur exact position hun! im about 2 steps ahead now lol


im 19, with a 3yrold


i used to look around and all that but i got sick of all he crap and stopped looking. thru my blog i met my man. unfortunately, he lives 4 hours away, so i only see him once a month...


he fits everything i need, he loves my son just as much as me... he is my man!


i still classify myself as a single mum, because as of yet, we dont have often enuff contact for him to have a decent imput, so as m sons full time carer, it makes sense


i stopped looking, and i found sean :D


dont feel that u need a man to complete the picture, just see a man as a bonus!


and dont see ur kids as baggage, see them as part of the package!


my man calls us his precooked family, all ready and prepared for him to step in :P
Reply:Don't try so hard to be in a relationship. When you least expect it that special person will find you.
Reply:kids first. tell the truth, because it'll bite you in the a ss later on. if you are that afraid of what guys will say, then you aren't ready for dating. most guys are ok with it, and those who aren't, are not the ones you need to date.
Reply:Sweetie, dating is hard enough without adding complications like omitting certain important details (kids). Bring the kids up in casual conversation...if he says "I thought you live alone" tell him you have kids, but no roommates.





Then if he runs, you need to go find a Parents Without Partners group in your area. There are tons of great men out there... the trick is finding them in the right places.





Stay away from bars,that's where the players go...they are NOT interested in kids...and if they are I would worry. Stay AWAY from on-line dating, that's where the pedophiles go to troll for single mommies with kids.





Try church, parents without partners, or if your kids are in school try the PTA. It's amazing how many single daddies out there face the same issues. Hang in there sweetie, it may seem like there is no one out there but if you are patient and wait for the right one, it will be so worth it in the end.





If you have an interest then join a club or organization. If you like the civil war, or the middle ages, join a recreationist group...its something you can do WITH your kids and you will meet folks in a safe enviroment. Not only will you meet some VERY nice people but you will discover that chivalry is NOT dead!





Been there. Good luck honey!
Reply:Nicky - I'm a 44yo single guy. I use eharmony.





My experience has been that I have said that kids are NOT a turn off. BUT, I want to (first) date a woman, rather than her children. If the relationship developed, children would be part of the whole deal.





But I want to date a sexy, funny, expressive woman. Some parents define themselves in terms of their children.





On eHarmony, some women don't tell me anything apart from their relationship with their children. Do you like Souh Park, skydiving or skinnyipping ? Be the woman first, rather than (just) the parent.





Good luck :-)
Reply:There are lots of guys who simply won't date you. This came as a huge shock to me, growing up just about all I did date was single mothers. Lots of guys don't want the hassle of having kids screw up their plans. Honestly, who can blame them? They don't have kids and don't want them. You just need to find someone who doesn't mind. You definately want to be happy so don't give up. Also, it's a bad idea to whip out the kids on the first date too.
Reply:Yes
Reply:I would dye my hair an adult color, only date men I knew and who knew me, and generally behave as if I belonged with other adults with kids rather than kids playing at adult.
Reply:i think it is deceitful. i know it is probably difficult to just have a night out and enjoy yourself without feeling like you are getting your date all involved with yourself. but you need to understand, you have 2 kids. there's no getting out of that. if you want to have a good relationship, you have to be honest right away. do not spend your date describing in detail all the b.s. you've dealt with the baby's daddy (or daddies), but do not omit the fact you have children. i do feel that it is a pretty big omission when you're trying to get to know someone.


it's not that you shouldn't be able to date, but your kids are priority. they should not be hidden or pushed aside for you to start a new relationship. also, do not introduce them to several new men unless you're sure that the man will be around for a while. this ruins any sens of security they might have.


good luck!
Reply:Face it you come with kids! The right person will not run and welcome the additional parts of you! f you have to hide the kids or not speak of them you come off more as a bad mom who doesnt love her kids than as a woman who is afraid of them? Come on thats ridiculous! Be honest, you need a man in your life you not only cares for you but for your children as well. You are not looking for just your own happiness but someone who accepts your kids! Not telling men on first dates is not protecting your kids its being selfish. Speak up or dont go out. Maybe you should take a look at the kind of guy you are going out with. Maybe picking more responsible men or perhaps older would make a difference in their reaction.